So I want to talk about negative thoughts, the ones that we hear within us and the ones that we get from outside sources, and how debilitating they can be if we don’t know how to react to them and how to internalize or kick them out.
The negative thoughts that start from within, the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves, some of them come from an imposter syndrome. What I mean by that is, the thoughts that are in our minds telling us that we’re fake, we’re frauds, we’re not real, we’re not good, blah, blah, blah. All of these negative thoughts that come from within, we’ve all experienced it before. What do we do about it?
I want to present two different solutions that I’ve used in the past, and I want to be honest and transparent with you and let you know that these are still things that I struggle with on a pretty regular basis, especially as I’m working to grow my impact and influence. I get messages almost every single day from people telling me that I’m ugly or that I’m stupid, that my videos are dumb and lame, blah, blah, blah. I get a lot of negative feedback, and so, it’s hard for me to not internalize that.
But what do you do when you have those thoughts inside of you that are telling you that you’re not good enough, that you’re not real, that you are not capable of reaching the heights that you’re setting out to do. I did two things. Number one, I look at each thought and I actually take a second and I say, okay, is this real? In other words, is this something that is true?
And I look at it. So, for example, one of the things that was recently brought to my attention, that I have been focusing on a lot in my head, is the fact that even though I teach different things about marketing, I start to get this negative feedback in my mind that, am I really good, or am I just lucky?
And I had to analyze that on a personal level and really think about it. And I didn’t brush it aside, because if you brush it aside it’s going to come back. It’s not been dealt with yet, but if you actually deal, think about it, and go okay, is this a true statement?
Think about it. I wrote it down. I said, okay, am I good at marketing or am I just lucky? I just started writing down some of the things we’re working on and I was able to, at least for the moment, rationalize that okay, these good things are happening because I’m actually good at marketing and it’s not just luck.
The other thing that happens, for me, when it comes to being a dad, a good dad. I have negative thoughts inside saying I’m not a good dad or I’m not doing Ali well, all these negative thoughts that come into my mind. And I have to look and go, okay, is that true or is that just something that’s popping into my head? Is there other things I can be doing better? I really just have to look at it, for me, I try to remove the emotion and deal with it head-on from a more logical standpoint so I can get it out of my mind.
But it’s hard and it’s not something that I take lightly. The message that I got this morning was of desperation, like, I just keep getting these negative thoughts that overtake me, what do I do? And I’ve been there. I’ve fought it. I wouldn’t say I’ve won the war, but I’ve definitely won a lot of battles.
But let’s talk about what happens when people throw things at you. Cause like I said, I get messages on a regular basis from people who are just very negative to me. Most of them have never met me in real life. And so, you have to take that into consideration and say, okay, do they actually know what they’re talking about? Is this just a random hater? Is this something that I should consider, I should look at?And most of the time, it’s not something for me, it’s something that I can say, okay, this person doesn’t know. This person is coming at me. There’s something within them that’s making them want to word vomit all over me.
And it’s a difficult thing. So, how do you combat it? Over all, what I try to do is two things. Number one, I try to have a grateful attitude about everything.I think being thankful and grateful for things is probably the easiest way for me to get my mind off of the negative that’s running through my head and the negative that I’m hearing, and I’m focusing on a good in my life and the good that I’m doing for others. And then I also paint a bright future in my mind.
One of the things that I heard was that the future is imaginary. What I mean by that is that the future that we’ve painted in our mind hasn’t happened yet, so it is technically fiction. Right? So, we can paint two different kinds of a future. We can either paint a dark future where things are going to be falling and failing ahead of us, or we can paint a future where we’re going to be successful and happy.
The way that we envision our future determines the actions for today. In other words, if you think that the thing that you’re working on, if you think the book that you’re writing isn’t going to sell a single copy, you’re going to be very discouraged about finishing the book and you probably won’t do it. However, if you think that that book that you’re writing is going to have a major impact and it’s going to really help a lot of people, make you a lot of money, etc, you’ll be very excited to finish the book.
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